I had the urge. The shopping urge. The urge to spend a few hours out of my day gazing upon the wonderful world of skinny jeans, accessories, winter coats, and leather boots. Then. THEN.
As I walked through the racks of floral dresses and knitted sweaters, I saw it.The most beautiful brown, leather jacket my closet has yet to hold. The jacket my ripped jeans would go perfectly with. The jacket my other clothes would hate on, AND like any other shopping female would do in this situation I thought of pretty much every excuse I could think of that would eventually convince me I needed this amazingly woven piece of fabric. After about fifteen minutes of trying it on I thought it was worth the investment because a) I absolutely have NOTHING to wear. b) I need something to keep me warm during the winter because I cannot possibly have other sweaters in my closet I could wear c) I can look like Olivia Newton John when she wore a leather jacket in Grease after getting a makeover and finally d) One of the girls that worked there told me I should buy it and buy a motorcycle to go with him. Yeah. Dumb right? Slap me. Please. Luckily, I didn’t buy the jacket despite all of my very logical and reasonable excuses. I didn’t need the jacket, despite all its fabulousness. I just simply wanted it. Like a little kid crying over trying to convince his mom to buy him a new toy race car when he already has toys at home. I put the leather jacket back where it belonged, and yes I twitched a little as it left my hands, and walked out the store with no merchandise in hand. Fact is, it’s been very difficult lately. The type of difficult that would lead a shopping loving girl like myself to deny the purchase of a leather jacket that would go perfect with a motorcycle. Finances are tight with my family, and like numerous families in the United Sates, the chance of loosing our home is highly foreseen. And it worries me. I am worried my family won’t be able to continue living in the comfort of our home and possibly have to move into someone else’s home. Worried my dad will have to feel as though he failed his wife. His daughter. And although not buying the leather jacket I wanted isn’t that big of a sacrifice, I am reminded of something. The day to day financial struggle me and family are under is hard, very hard, but it reminds me I need to be content. Content with what I have and not worry so much about what I don’t have and want. It reminds me that no matter what circumstances are placed under our feet, we will never be without. We will never be without food, even though it may no be eating a four course meal, we will never be without a roof, even though it may not have the room I want, and we will never, ever go without clothes on our back, even thought we may not be wearing the latest trends. It doesn’t matter because just as the Lord has sustained us till this day, he will continue to sustain and provide our every need.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns , and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Mathew 6:26-27
To my heavenly father: Teach me to trust You more. Teach me how to be content in what I have and who I am in any circumstance. Teach me what it means to fully rely on you for anything and everything. If struggle and brokenness is what I need to produce what it is that you ask of me, then let it be. Thank you for your constant provision and faithfulness.
To my earthly father: If I could tell you one thing, it would be this. I am earnestly and sincerely proud of the man you are. Thank you for always making sure your family is provided for and taken care of. Thank you for your strength during these hard times all three of us are going through. You have NEVER failed and will never fail me and my mom. Where ever you decide to lead us in these difficult times, I will be there to support you. I love you, and the Lord will surely be with us wherever we go.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers because we sure do need it! :) And also keep in prayer all the families who have been affected by these difficult financial times.
Love,
Fer <3
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